I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
