Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
