party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
