Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
