she was so not down for the gang bang
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
