That's when you crack a 10am beer
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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