In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
