who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
