I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
