i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
