My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
this beer tastes like vomit already
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
