Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
