Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
