My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
