I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Randomize
