would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
