Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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