Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
