ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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