No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
