I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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