He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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