She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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