Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
