I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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