I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
