i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
