HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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