Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
