she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I've blown a few things in my day
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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