Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
