I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
