Your tits are I can't wait for
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
