My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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