how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
