I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
NoShamevember. You game?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
