were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
