the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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