I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
