he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
