i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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