M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
