We named our party play list daddy issues
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
