Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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