You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
