she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
