Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
