Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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