You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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