We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
